Depression creeps up and engulfs me in a wave of emotion that grips me so tight I can feel my chest start to constrict with the force of it. I have to remind myself over and over again that I’m totally cool with who I am. If it has rendered me lonely, that is my choice. I refuse to compromise my self for the sake of people who just don’t get me.
There is a limit to how far I will go to try to be the good person, the nice person. If after all that, people still think I’m full of shit, then there is nothing I can, or want, to do about it.
In a previous life, I’d say “To hell with them”. But I am past that. I now say, “Good for them.” If I have decided that I will stand for my realities and my way of life, I have no right to force other people to follow my vision. I’d be nothing more than a hypocrite if I did. And I have spent the last 10 years of my life training myself to not be a hypocrite. It is the one thing I will not allow myself to be.
I just wish there were more people in the world who were on the same page as me. But as I’ve been told many times in my life, when God created me, he broke the mold.
So here’s to me. I’m one of a kind. I’m smart. I’m pretty. I’m witty. I’m the kind of person who can write herself out of the blues. I study at the alter of science, using words to form my prayers. I can speak in Math, English and Logic. I also know a few phrases in Corny.
I’m abrasive, opinionated and brash. I have a loud laugh and a louder voice. I rub people the wrong way. People avoid me because they perceive me to be stuck up and proud. And they are right. I am proud. I have a lot to be proud of. I have worked damn hard to earn that right. And I will not let a wave of midnight blues take that away from me.
There is a limit to how far I will go to try to be the good person, the nice person. If after all that, people still think I’m full of shit, then there is nothing I can, or want, to do about it.
In a previous life, I’d say “To hell with them”. But I am past that. I now say, “Good for them.” If I have decided that I will stand for my realities and my way of life, I have no right to force other people to follow my vision. I’d be nothing more than a hypocrite if I did. And I have spent the last 10 years of my life training myself to not be a hypocrite. It is the one thing I will not allow myself to be.
I just wish there were more people in the world who were on the same page as me. But as I’ve been told many times in my life, when God created me, he broke the mold.
So here’s to me. I’m one of a kind. I’m smart. I’m pretty. I’m witty. I’m the kind of person who can write herself out of the blues. I study at the alter of science, using words to form my prayers. I can speak in Math, English and Logic. I also know a few phrases in Corny.
I’m abrasive, opinionated and brash. I have a loud laugh and a louder voice. I rub people the wrong way. People avoid me because they perceive me to be stuck up and proud. And they are right. I am proud. I have a lot to be proud of. I have worked damn hard to earn that right. And I will not let a wave of midnight blues take that away from me.
Disjoint Wisdom 