Sometimes I say too much.

At others
For fear of doing just that
I don’t say enough.

I cannot tell where
I am supposed
To draw my line.

My feelings lay buried
Close enough to the surface
That with just one thought
I could kick the dust aside
And reveal all.

But I have made a pact with myself
That I will not do so.

I will not sacrifice reality
For what ifs.

Call it fear.
Or wisdom.
Or both.
.
.
.
.
But like chocolate
These feelings lure me
And I fear
That if I allow myself
One small nibble.
I may end up eating the whole bar.

And hating myself afterwards.

But I want that bite
I crave it.
I am consumed by the
Anticipated ecstasy.

Stop me.
Hold me.

I fear I may just
Give in.

I dream of giving in.
I will myself to give in.

All the while hoping
That sanity will prevail.

I can’t say I don’t know what to do.
Because I know very well
The path of wisdom.

I wish though
That I were selfish enough
To just not care.