It’s not that I’ve stopped thinking. Or stopped feeling. Or that life has changed that much.

Hmmmm….

Let me think about that.

I’ve done so much. I’ve gone through so many feelings. But they are not large, life altering things. They are small, tiny beeps and pings and emotions and inputs that are not unimportant, but not 180 degree’ers. No. Rather these have been half degree turns, coming one after the other in furious succession, taking me in different directions with every push and nudge. 

When you turn left instead of right, you notice, and it is noticed. But when you take what the GPS lady calls “a slight left after 300 meters”, it’s a slight left. You are still headed in the general North-easternly direction. Just a little more north than east now. It’s a change. And you cannot judge the impact of that change until you reach the north pole instead of Siberia, which is where you thought you were heading.

I’m conscious of some of the turns I am making, but others are external forces. 

It’s good. It’s all very good. But.

I have no idea which direction is North anymore.