The sun is shining bright today. The weather has actually been great all weekend long. My mood has responded forcefully to this positive input. I am happy.
It is hard for me to write these words: I am happy. It is such an odd feeling. And I somehow feel as though I don’t deserve to write them. Who am I to feel this way?
You see, I am a moody, dark and selfish human being. That makes for some tearfully black and thunderous emotions.
And then, there is so much on my mind that is of the shitty nature. My plan for this piece was to actually deal with something that has recently happened to me that is of utmost blackness.
But today, somehow, for some reason. My mind refuses to go to that place. And this is so odd. For those who have read me at times, you will know that dark is a place I revel in.
But not today. Or not now. Or not here.
I sit here in a coffee shop. Peaceful but non-determinant music playing in the background. I have spent the morning focusing on the mundane act of studying. Progress has been good.
I was actually anticipating; relishing even the thought of getting some of that bloody black out of my system. I opened up a new document with that single purpose in mind.
And yet, once my fingers started typing, all they could focus on was the sun streaming through the blinds. Babies born. Tests succeeding. Milestones attained. Gifts received. Laughter shared. All fucking positive.
I know I will need to attack the demons residing in my thoughts. Soon.
But for now I will revel in the brightness of the sun on my fingers, as they type out these feelings of positivity.
Disjoint Wisdom 