Sometimes things that seem so obvious don’t become evident until they hit you in the face.

One thing I have recently learned is that people are viewed, and relationships are maintained, through two very different sets of lenses.

The Personal

The Personal is when a person likes you, knows you, hangs out with you, and relates to you on the basis of who you are. They know you. They like or dislike the personality that you wear. Their interactions are based purely on how they perceive you and the direct link that goes from person to person.

The Situational

The Situational is based primarily on the circumstances that join that persons’ social fields to yours. In-Laws. Friends of a friend. I hang out with you because our spouses are friends. Because our children are in the same school. Because we go to work together.

The Transience

Many, if not all Personal relationships start out from a situation. You meet someone within a certain context. You hang out together because of that context. That context is what defines the beginning of that connection.

And sometimes, the Situational becomes Personal. You start hanging out with someone because you think they are a nice person. Your wavelengths match. You like one another.

Now, to be clear, all Personal connections are not “friendships”. They can be acquaintanceships. Or passing meetups. Or hatreds even. But whatever they spurn into, the basis lies in the actual people themselves, and NOT just the situation.

The Confusion

The true test of whether the relationship is personal or situational is if it persists even if the situation changes.

When relationships are put to the test of transcendence.

My Story

This fact hit me in the face when my situation drastically changed, and I learned that some relationships I had thought were personal were anything but.

I recently separated from my husband. And this act brought home – very forcefully – which of my relationships were situational, and which of them were personal.

A few people who I considered to be very close personal relations have cut off complete contact with me ever since I announced the news. And no, not just family members from “his” side, but people I once considered to be extremely close to me.

I have been dropped like a dirty piece of laundry, kicked away, and discarded.

On the other hand, there have been some folk who have reached out and shown me that our relationship is very personal. Who have kept their relationship with me completely unchanged.

I would be lying if I said being thrown to the curb did not hurt. It did – it does. But to those folk, I say Fuck you. Thank you for showing me what I really mean to you, but yeah: Fuck you.

Conclusion

I wish I had some deep moral story to end this with; I don’t. If I were to give a piece of advice however, it would be to know who you are. Be true to yourself.

This way, the hurt won’t be as deep.

I know exactly who and what I am. And you opinion only matters if you see me as a person. As me.