I know, this is a large title. It can imply so much. Put fear into the hearts of some, hopeful anticipation into the hearts of other. Let’s see where you will lie.
My calendar reminded me it has been one year of me having moved into my own house. 7 months before that, I moved out of my home I shared with my ex-husband. My divorce was finalized a few months ago.
So yeah, I’ve been living through a period of massive emotional and logistical upheaval. I went through my crazy phase: I dated guys I met through Match, bought bright pink curtains, went to Vegas. You know, the normal crazy stuff people do after they leave a relationship after 20-so odd years.
Every few months I think: Now! Now I am past my period of change and am finally steady and stable. Then, a few months pass by, and I realize I wasn’t there then, but yup! NOW! Now I’ve reached equilibrium.
I’ve finally realized there IS no equilibrium to be reached. Life is exactly this: a series of growths and learning and then going on. My mindset was wrong. I am in the now, and the now is good and I am content in the now knowing that I will always be growing and learning; and I hope I always stay this way.
Those who know me, know that I have a deep and unwavering belief in God. I truly believe that God IS, and is the one who set creation in motion.
And some of you may also know that I have a deep appreciation and love for the scientific method, logic, and facts.
I was born in a Muslim family that moved from Pakistan to Canada. At a young age I was introduced to the precepts of the faith, but always with the guidance to think and question and understand. (For this, I am immensely grateful.)
As I grew older, I met people of all faiths I and took in the world around me. I soon realized that many of the “commandments” of Islam were not that at all. I realized that culture greatly influenced the meaning of the implementation of one’s faith, and that it was easy, actually a given, that the two would become intertwined in the minds of the adherents. And that which was prescribed, was often the prescription of the culture, and not necessarily of the religion.
It took a while, but I succeeded in separating Pakistani culture from religion. To the external viewer, I became visibly less of a Muslim, and more of a “Canadian’. I know, religion vs. culture. Makes no sense. But there you have it 🙂
After my divorce, I started to explore this concept even more. In my mind, to my thought, there were a few obvious /s truths:
- One’s belief, or lack thereof, is tightly dependent on the household and culture one is raised in.
- It is impossible for a single person to claim that they have a monopoly on “truth” for things that cannot be currently proven or disproven through the scientific method.
- The only difference between an extreme Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist etc. is the land they were born in. They all lack the (chance, wish, ability, opportunity) to look outside of what they have been indoctrinated into. They are, by definition, a cult.
After having read parts of the old and new Testament, and all of the Quran multiple times;and based on my understanding of the world today, the following are my religious beliefs:
- There is a God. One God. I cannot believe, nor does it seem like a valid hypothesis, that the matter that forms the universe was always there. Something set things in motion.
- God, or nature, or the force, whatever you wish to call it, instituted the laws that govern the formation and existence of the universe. These laws include, but are not limited to
- Mathematics
- Physics
- Chemistry
- Once the forces were set in motion, God, except for maybe an occurrence here or there, does NOT play puppet master. The universe was set in motion. The laws that govern the formation of the planets, and then life, moved us towards the WHAT we are today, and the WHERE we are, and the HOW we live.
- I believe in evolution, especially, the mental evolution of humans: in their capacity to think and reason.
- I believe the Prophets were real. There is sound historical evidence to suggest they existed as humans, and enough similarities in the basis of all religions to assume that they stemmed from the same origin.
- Whether these similarities are due to God sending the religion, or due to the natural human default to arriving at the same decision, is, in the grand scheme of things, irrelevant. If humans were “wired” to propose a grand force, a power, that that wiring was put in us through some laws of nature, which, my faith believes is the force I call God.
- All major religions, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, are true. Whichever one you follow is simply based on where you were born.
Now, here is where I enter the place I had my major epiphany.
Since I was born to a Muslim household, I follow the statements of the Quran. I always have taken the commandments of the Quran to be addressed to ME. And when I broke any of those commandments (which was pretty often), I always felt a deep sense of guilt.
But, as I read the Quran more and understood the commandments, I have had no choice but to conclude that it can’t be addressed to ME. A lot of it does not make sense in the context of the world I live in. It just does not. And no amount of mental gymnastics will get me there.
Take for example the orders around inheritance. The Quran states that when a MAN dies without leaving a will, the estate is divided up as follows:
- Pay off all and any debts
- Of the remaining, 1/8th to the widow
- Of the estate that remains thereafter, it is divided in a ratio of 2:1 for sons:daughters
I’m sorry, but that makes ZERO sense to me, as a single woman, who I solely responsible for the maintenance of my household. It made sense 1500 years ago in Arabia. But not here and not now.
Or take all the commandments about owning slaves. Or the fact that Verse 41:44 states
Had We sent this as a Qur’an (in the language) other than Arabic, they would have said: “Why are not its verses explained in detail? What! (a Book) not in Arabic and (a Messenger) an Arab?” Say: “It is a Guide and a Healing to those who believe; and for those who believe not, there is a deafness in their ears, and it is blindness in their (eyes): They are (as it were) being called from a place far distant!”
The Quran ITSELF is saying it is being sent in Arabic so that people of Arabia could understand it.
Verse 5:3 states
This day I have perfected for you your religion and completed My favor upon you and have approved for you Islam as religion.
(Highlights are mine)
It does not say “THE” religion.
Nitpicky, maybe. But my heart feels this is right.
The Holy Books were revealed to a people in a time for that people and that time.
I believe that we, as humans, have evolved beyond the point of getting divine commandments. We have been given science and sociology and anthropology and psychology instead.
So, what is my religion? What is my label? I have no clue!
I DO believe in God and DO believe that the messengers were the Prophets of Allah, with Mohammed being the last one. I believe in life after death. I tick all the boxes of being a Muslim.
But I definitely do NOT believe that I am supposed to follow the word of the Quran to the letter. I haven’t done so my whole life, actually, I challenge you to find many people who have. But most folks talk themselves into a loophole escape. I refuse to do that anymore.
God knows what is in my heart. And now, I have finally allowed myself to face what God knew about me all along.
Disjoint Wisdom 